Oh, the joys of wedding invitation etiquette. Where do we start with this one? When Prince William and Kate Middleton got married they both invited their exes to the wedding. By doing so, these seemingly conservative royals seemed ultra-cool for doing so. But hey, everyone girl has her own kind of “ex philosophy.” In other words, how she, in her own special way, manages, ignores or totally incorporates her ex (es) into her life post their break up.
But as liberal as she may be, when it comes to planning the wedding guest list, she may think twice on whether she should include her ex-partner or ex-spouse. Much of the dilemma depends on the jealousy factor. If she or her future spouse is the jealous type, then they should opt to skip inviting their exes to the wedding. Why? Well, in our opinion why spoil the special day if he or she feels uncomfortable with the presence of that guy or gal that once drove you wild with passion?
The relationship the former
Then there are some of us who feel that when it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, if you have the kind of relationship with your ex where you socialize with them on a regular basis and it was the kind of a relationship that was never too hot or heavy and you parted ways without much to do, then that situation perhaps is less threatening to the person you are tying the knot with. Therefore, this person and their date should then be invited to the wedding if your partner is okay with it.
In the mainstream world of good etiquette, the dilemma on whether or not to invite the ex comes down to whether or not you two were ever actually married. The rule stating that if you were married, to not invite the ex to your wedding. In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Anna Post, the great-great granddaughter of the legendary manners guru, Emily Post, says it’s easier to invite an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend than an ex-spouse.
Depends on the type of ex
“With an ex-spouse, it’s usually better not to. There are exceptions where everyone has become good friends and everyone in your social circle has become completely comfortable with this, however,” said the co-author of Emily Post’s 18th Edition, which features a section on wedding etiquette. What could wrong if they are invited? Well, it may be distracting for the rest of your guests (hence, gossip fest!) and take the focus away from the new relationship you’re committing to. “And that advice applies to an ex as well,” added Post.
Then there are those situations when there are children in the picture or your ex just happens to be your best friend and consequently, is now just as close to your future spouse. According to About.com’s wedding expert, Nina Callaway: “If you had children together, it can be a nice gesture to invite your ex. Their presence will reassure your kids, and your ex will have a chance to see their child be a part of the festivities.” Callaway is also pro inviting the ex if you are still good buddies, especially if your ex and future spouse get along and the split was a significant time ago.
Some things you might think about during the wedding
Some still believe that even if you are friends with the ex they can still be a Debby Downer-type of presence. “If you were married before, having your ex-wife or ex-husband there might cause you to think about the limits of love, and how sad it is when it ends,” added Callaway. Ultimately, having your ex there, might take away from the true joy of your day with your new love. So if all your exes live in Texas, you might opt for wedding in Tokyo.