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The Graceful Separation: Divorce Tips for a Separation with Full Integrity

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If you are one of the millions of women across the U.S. dealing with divorce, you are aware of how much divorce advice you actually need to attempt to part ways with integrity. We all want to do the right thing, but after so much emotional turmoil sometimes we lose our way. Most women want a split that allows them to move on without lingering feelings of bitterness, anger, or regret. This is especially wise when there are children in the picture.

The tough part is that as humans, since our first meltdowns at the kiddie playground, we are overly concerned with a sense of justice in this world. We think: ‘It’s not fair, I should get everything I want in the divorce because I was wronged.’ The sad part is that your husband probably feels the same way. But is ultimate fairness ever achieved between two people who have hurt each other?

Setting Boundaries During Divorce

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Unfortunately, the answer is no the majority of the time. But learning, healing and becoming stronger because of what you have you have both gone through is possible, though it usually takes one person to be the stronger one, to set the tone, and simply not fight back. This takes insight, dignity and a vision committed to making a better future for both of you and especially your children.

How do you protect yourself when dealing with divorce?  When it comes to divorce advice, Mark Banschick, M.D., a contributor to Psychology Today and the author of The Intelligent Divorce book series, suggests taking a step back and seeing the big picture. “I am not arguing for letting go and having your ex-spouse walk all over you or your children. There is a place to set limits and fight for what is right. Just be careful not to get lost in your righteousness. You can easily lose perspective and fight when it’s no longer productive—or poison your children with your bitterness. Be careful. Protect yourself, but be pragmatic. The notion of “fair” is seductive and has cost many divorcees unnecessary years of pain – with injured children and depleted bank accounts to show for it.”

Gratitude

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When you begin the process of separation make sure that from day one you make amends and tell your soon to-be-ex-husband that you are sorry for causing him pain. Then, in an earnest manner (since this world is filled with far too much sarcasm) also be sure to thank him for all he has shared with you. It’s a noble gesture and soothes his soul even if he doesn’t show it to you at that moment.

You two were once in love and shared some loving memoires, so don’t let a divorce lead you to rewrite the whole history of your marriage. Throughout this tense and sad time, it is important to keep conversation and contact as light and polite as possible to avoid flare ups.  And most importantly, be patient with your ex and let them have their feelings. Just because you may have already dealt with yours, give them their time and space.

Perspective

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If you were to travel to the future to look back at this time, you will feel proud of yourself for being compassionate. While it is extremely difficult to have compassion for a person who may have mistreated you in some way, in Buddhism this how we grow and become better people. While the tendency might be to avoid your ex, according to Good Therapy.org, “the Buddha would see this person as the heart of his spiritual practice, a challenge to develop positive qualities. Compassion is the flip side of anger; it keeps the heart open when it wants to close off with fear.

Compassion is fostered by remaining connected, no matter how painful it may be. Maintaining compassion through divorce is a feat, but it will ensure that your loving nature remains intact.” As sad and lonely as you might feel during this time, retain your integrity by not rushing into another relationship while you are still trying to tie up loose ends from the old one. You and the children need some time to yourselves, time getting used to a house without daddy. Courage is integrity’s foundation. And while the famous saying states Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching we all know you are your own worst critic. So do the right thing.  Especially if you believe in karma.

The post The Graceful Separation: Divorce Tips for a Separation with Full Integrity appeared first on Hispanic World.

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